Tag Archives: Life

“Every Journey Begins With A Single Step.” – Maya Angelou

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Photo Credit: Pharoahe Monch
Artist Permission Was Granted For Use Of Image
Train Departing Station In Chicago, Illinois
March 17, 2017
Thanks Monch!!!!!

As I approach my 45th Born Day on April 4th, as always, I’m stopping for a minute, to reflect upon my life’s journey. I’ve thought about my ups and downs. I’ve thought about my highs and lows. I’ve thought about my truth in my journey. I’ve traveled so far, and want to keep traveling upon the road that lies before me. My journey began with a single step towards possibilities, opportunities, and growth. A journey towards freedom and happiness. Just like a passenger who boards a train, my journey has taken me where I need to be.

I remember the complex days of my childhood, teen years, and even some of my adult years. I was that “lucky” kid, so others would say. I was that kid who got everything I ever asked for. I got everything I ever asked for, except a loving and caring family. I grew up in a home without true love shown, and I was always halfway happy at home. On the flip side of this, I was always happy at school. It was there that I felt safe. It was there that I felt loved. Now, as a teacher myself, I keep all of this in mind, when it comes to my classroom. My classroom might be the only place where a child feels love, and school might be the only place where a child feels safe. I make it known to my students that I care, and that I love.

I survived years of abuse from family, which lasted well into my adult years. I finally had the courage to walk away from all of the hurt and dysfunction. I had reached my breaking point. As I sat in my apartment one afternoon and sobbed uncontrollably at the fact that ‘loved ones’ can treat me so bad, I realized that I must take care of my own mental health, and I must ensure my own happiness. After years of trying to love away the pain and fix what was broken, I just became tired. Tired of feeling guilty for wanting to walk away and stay away. Tired of trying to understand. Tired of trying. Tired of hiding. Tired of smiling on the outside, when I didn’t always want to. It’s never been easy living on the other side of love. But the cold world that I lived in never made me bitter. I just kept hoping and wishing that I would be free one day. Free to be me. Free to feel joy. Free to express and receive unconditional love. My heart is in a good place within me now, and has been for quite some time now. I know what love is, by the positive examples of it that I saw elsewhere. And from the poor examples that I was shown, I certainly know what love is not. If I should ever fall in love, my heart’s love will be truly genuine and free flowing.

As life is a journey full of lessons learned and lessons taught, I look back at the trials in my life and praise God that I grew up to become the woman that I am today. In all of my strength, I can stand proud in the mirror and love the person that I see each day. My life is a tale of overcoming obstacles, and not becoming another statistic. My story is not unique. Nor is it uncommon. But this story is mine. It will always be a part of who I am.

No, it wasn’t easy living on the other side of love, but once I knocked down the wall of obstruction, I found out how sweet love and freedom could be. And they taste sweeter each and everyday. I welcome 45 with open arms.

 

Never Surrender Your Dreams

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The time has come for me to write my last post of 2016. As always, I want to say, “Thank you” to everyone who has visited my site, liked a post, or left a comment. As with any approaching new year, and now, a new presidency, life is full of uncertainty. On the flip side of this, life can also be full of possibilities. I want 2017 to be a year of possibilities, opportunities, and growth. May all of you make the very best of your 2017 and beyond.

There’s uncertain travels on the long road to somewhere.

Twists and turns on a questionable road.

Unpaved paths to new unknowns,

That make you put guarded faith on the line.

Unpaved paths to new unknowns,

That make you put guarded faith on the line.

Uncertainty and doubt are heavy loads to bear,

And these elements eat away at one’s core.

Too far forward, so there’s no turning back now,

But for a moment in time, one’s feet are frozen still.

More road to travel, but the frightened heart wants to say it’s the end.

What if?

What happens at the end of the road?

When the hope dies out,

And positive vibes become non existent?

A stagnant existence is born that kills each breath taken,

And causes one to fade.

One will never know the possibilities.

What if?

What happens on the road still taken?

When you muster the strength to drop the load of uncertainty and doubt.

The body is now light.

Fluid movements allow you to just be.

Free.

And one can now see with clear eyes.

There’s something about being free,

That causes the body to press on.

Keep moving. Keep striving. Keep searching.

There’s a chance you’ll see what your heart is searching for.

There’s uncertain travels on the long road to somewhere.

Twists and turns on a questionable road.

Unpaved paths to new unknowns,

That make you put guarded faith on the line.

Uncertainty and doubt are heavy loads to bear,

And these elements eat away at one’s core.

Too far forward, so there’s no turning back now,

But for a moment in time, one’s feet are frozen still.

More road to travel, but the frightened heart wants to say it’s the end.

What if?

What happens at the end of the road?

When the hope dies out,

And positive vibes become non existent?

A stagnant existence is born that kills each breath taken,

And causes one to fade.

One will never know the possibilities.

What if?

What happens on the road still taken?

When you muster the strength to drop the load of uncertainty and doubt.

The body is now light.

Fluid movements allow you to just be.

Free.

And one can now see with clear eyes.

There’s something about being free,

That causes the body to press on.

Keep moving. Keep striving. Keep searching.

There’s a chance you’ll see what your heart is searching for.

Take that chance.

Never surrender your dreams.

My Heaven Is My Happiness

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My heaven is my happiness.
A sacred place I’ve searched for all of my life.
A freedom I can’t really describe,
But a freedom I’m grateful to have.
My heart and shoulders feel light at times,
As if I’ve been reborn.
I can see the world with new eyes,
And experience what life has to offer with open arms.
And then heaven’s eyes stop watching over me.
Just as my heart feels light sometimes,
At times my heart feels heavy.
It weeps as it’s full of sorrow.
Just as my shoulders feel light at times,
Sometimes I feel that the load is too much to bear.
Sometimes I feel trapped.
I feel stuck.
Feels like my time could be up.
Feeling faint as more beautiful bodies lie cold in the dust.
My heaven is my happiness.
But when will I ever leave hell?
You tell me.
And tell me the truth.

Just Thinking Aloud About Sandra Bland

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sandrabland2

Photo Credit: Sandra Bland Via Google Images

“We know the road to freedom has always been stalked by death.” – Angela Davis

     Yesterday, Sandra Bland was laid to rest. Another Black body was laid to rest. Another Black body was murdered. Another Black body that leaves me full of questions that I want answers to. What happened? Why is it that Sandra Bland was in jail alive one minute, and the next minute she was dead?

So many heartbreaking questions fill my head.

Why can’t we just BE?

     The list of things that Black folks can’t do is getting longer, with every Black body laid to rest. This list sends a message that Black folks are supposed to bow down to white supremacy and stay in our so-called place, like we’re living in the days of the master oppressing the slave. Fuck that shit! Just walking down the street seems to send a signal of, “I’m a threat.” My, no, our, articulate, intelligent, and wonderful  selves are threatening to some folks. Our Black bodies just standing still are threatening to some folks. What it seems that we can’t do, is show our intelligence, our assertiveness, and our independence. And after Sandra Bland rightfully showed hers, she is no longer here. It makes me wonder how long will I be here? And who will be next?

So many heartbreaking questions fill my head.

Why did Sandra Bland have to die?

     I was born and raised in America (wait…Amerikkka), and I feel like I have no home. I never really feel at home. Never really feel at ease. Never really know when white supremacy will take my last breath, like it took Sandra Bland’s. And as her death is being investigated by those of “The Law”, I wonder how many of them wear a white sheet when they go home at the end of the day? It’s going to be a long road to freedom, justice, and equality.

     I don’t have time to have an ounce of fear, as there’s work to do. You better believe I will continue traveling down that long road towards freedom, justice, and equality. I don’t have time for doubt either. But I have plenty of time to have faith and hope. I have plenty of time to have strength and courage. I’ll need all four, as I do what I must in 0rder to survive. But I can’t stop at survival. I have to do what I must to be able to live FREELY. I am not an animal to be hunted. We are not animals to be killed for sport. I must do all that I can to make sure that it is understood that BLACK LIVES DO MATTER JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE’S. MY life matters. Sandra Bland’s life STILL matters. I owe Sandra Bland my all and my best.

     Sandra Bland may be physically gone, but her strength, courage, and shining light will certainly live on.

“I think the importance of doing activist work is precisely because it allows you to give back and to consider yourself not as a single individual who may have achieved whatever, but to be a part of an ongoing historical movement.”  – Angela Davis

I Have No Love Song To Sing

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I have no love song to sing.
No sweet soliloquy to recite
Underneath the stars.
I’m sick with a disease that has no cure.
My heart barely beats,
As the confusion of what justice is
Proves to be a consistent strain.
I feel as if a single bullet aimed for my heart,
And pierced it multiple times.
A single body is housing multiple deaths and heartache.
As I drew my last breath,
I whispered a little prayer,
And ascended upon a higher path.
I have no love song to sing tonight.
Only a puddle full of tears and blood.